Why I Didn’t Want to Start a Blog
I have a way of talking myself out of things that I am willing to do but not good at. In other words, things that require a lot of effort. But when it came to starting this blog, I somehow managed to talk myself out of my insecurities instead.
In my previous post, I wrote that several months of overthinking went behind starting this blog. This post will be a more elaborate account of my takeaways from the self-talk sessions I had during that time.
When I decided to start a blog, I began doing some hardcore research about blogging. And I really did enjoy that phase. However, every now and then I would get stuck and feel that I shouldn’t complicate things, being the borderline-lazy person that I am. At some point, I thought “Okay, who am I kidding? Did I really think that I would put myself out there?”
On one such day, I was so close to quitting the mission that I impulsively almost deleted all the resources I had collected to start my blog. Luckily, the non-stupid side of my head didn’t allow that. It didn’t want me to miss another opportunity because of the stupid side.
So I sat down and started making a note of WHY. Why I didn’t want to start a blog. And how I can overcome those reasons. This could be an account of how I talked myself out of my insecurities. It could also be an article for me to go back to when my self-doubt gets the best of me. So, I would like to dedicate this post to all those people who want to try something new; big or small, but just won’t take that leap of faith.
Fear of not being good enough
There are so many things I wish I had done earlier in life. Ninety percent of them were opportunities that I missed because of my fear of not being good enough. Looking back now at the reason why I missed those opportunities, it feels so small. I never felt like this was directly related to my confidence or self-esteem. I knew that I was good but I wasn’t a pro.
The same applies to writing- I personally feel that I’m not a pro at writing. There is a lot of scope for improvement. But I’ll never know those areas of improvement if I don’t put myself out there. The maximum exposure I would have gotten if I hadn’t started this blog is probably writing work emails, letters to close friends/family, and social media posts. To know my shortcomings, I will have to expose myself to a larger audience and be ready to face the criticism that comes along with it.
So, I wrote down three ground rules for myself under the category “fear of not being good enough”. One, do not compare yourself with people who started at a different time with a different background. Healthy competition and inspiration are allowed. Two, be open to all sorts of criticism. Be shameless. Make mistakes and never repeat them. Three, you don’t have to be great, but you need to make sure that you are on the path that leads to it. Don’t mind the philosophical tone here, this is how I end up writing in my journal!
Laziness and Creativity
I’d like to define my laziness as a mood swing. At least to me, it isn’t a personality trait but a mood that occurs periodically. Some days are just lazy days. Sometimes it works on an hourly basis too. Once I started perceiving it as a mood swing, I stopped blaming myself for it and it was easy to come out of the laziness cycle.
Blogging requires a lot of effort. It requires consistent creativity. Will saying “Some days are just lazy days” be an option?
We are the GenZ, isn’t laziness a characteristic trait of our tribe? But we are lazy because we know that we will get our work done just in time. And I’m sure our laziness has also helped us come up with innovative ideas to solve problems (come on). So maybe there is an acceptable level of laziness. Or so I tell myself. The idea is to leverage the non-lazy mood times to the fullest and to just go easy on myself when I’m in the lazy mood.
Starting the blog took effort but staying committed to it is going to take a lot more. I’m someone who tends to get bored easily. What if I end up getting bored of this too someday? So I decided to give myself a buffer period before launching the blog. I’ll pretend to be a blogger and see if I can sustain that period. I launched my website in private mode and tried executing my ideas. This was also a chance for me to check if I was genuinely into the idea of blogging or if it was just a temporary thought. It wasn’t easy, there were times when I thought that it wasn’t for me. But I didn’t step back, only because even the thought of stepping back from it made me feel so low about myself.
Commitment also requires a constant flow of ideas. Here is where overthinking comes to the rescue. You heard that right. As an overthinker, I know for a fact that if I take a pen and paper, I’ll have an oversupply of thoughts to dump, a part of which can be extrapolated into ideas. I know I’ll never run out of them. Suddenly, I started developing a soft corner for this nature of mine instead of absolutely loathing it! If this works out, I’ll be a living example of the saying “Make your weaknesses your strength”
Writing isn’t my hobby
I’ve never been a hardcore writer. And I’m not artistic that way- I hardly use fancy, poetic words (the truth is I don’t know a lot of them lol).
This made me wonder if I was really cut out for blogging.
Honestly, I had better writing skills (both in terms of speed and creativity) back in school when we had to write essays that carried a lot of weightage in exams!
But since college, writing has become more of a self-help kind of thing than art. I write to better understand a topic or thought. For more clarity. That’s how it became a habit and almost a necessity. It has helped me in sifting my thoughts, labeling them, and understanding them, thereby identifying the parts of my thoughts that are irrational – I mean, sometimes I literally laugh out loud at my own thoughts once I write them down on paper!
Impractical planning and perfectionism
Like I said, in the initial stage I did research on different aspects of blogging. And made plans. Sometimes I spent so much time planning for the minor aspects of it. This led to a hell lot of procrastination.
Planning is fine as long as you don’t do it on a micro-level. Every little thing cannot and should not be planned. So I slowly started identifying instances in which I caught myself planning unnecessarily. I still do it, at least it’s reduced.
Another reason was my impractical perfectionism. I’m just starting- not everything is going to turn out perfect. And there isn’t the perfect time for it. “Maybe I should focus more on my writing skills and then start a blog. Maybe I should take up freelance writing projects first. Maybe I should read more before I start writing.” There was a plethora of possibilities. But what better teacher than experience?
And that’s the story of why I didn’t want to start a blog and how I decided to challenge my own fears. In the end, through a gradual shift in mindset, I was able to overcome my insecurities about starting a blog.